A COLLECTION OF MURPHY’S LAWS



It seems that Murphy is a real person. He is Air Force Captain Edward A. Murphy Jr.
Source --- Electronics Australia December 1983, Page 122.

If there are two or more ways to do something, and one of these ways can result in a catastrophe, then someone will do it.

If you want to guarantee it will not rain, carry an umbrella.

HUBBARD’S LAW: “The world gets better every day, then worse again in the evening.

CAPTAIN JACKS VIEWPOINT: If you are good, you'll be given all the work. If you're really good you'll get out of doing it.

LANCOPI’S LAW: “After food and sex, man’s greatest need is to tell the other fellow how to do his job.

BRIEN’S FIRST LAW: “ At some time in the life cycle of every organisation, its ability to succeed in spite of itself runs out.

LENZ’S LAW: “Experience is what you get when you di'dn’t get what you wanted.

LOWREY’S LAW OF PROFICIENCY: “ Just when you get good at something, they no longer want you to do it.

LUTEN’S LAW OF HOLIDAYS: “ When properly managed, holidays do not adversely affect productivity, because for every week you’re away and doing nothing, the boss also goes away and you get twice as much done.

O’DOYLE’S MAXIM: “No matter how many executives share a cab, all of them will claim it on their expenses.

GROSS’S LAW: “When two people meet to decide how to spend a third person’s money, fraud will resul.

COLLIER’S CONSTANT: “No problem is so great that you cannot run away from it.

GAMBLER’S PYRETHRUM: “The presence of two aces, guarantees the absence of a third.

THE LAW OF THE WEST: “A Smith and Wesson beats four ace.

FREEMAN’S RULE: “Circumstances can force the generally incompetent to become competent, at least in a specialised field.

SYLVESTER’S LAW: “Traffic lights will always change to green in less time than it takes to find a handkerchief or anything else in a stationary car.

SIMPSON’S LAW: “When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delate.

MURPHY’S SECOND LAW: “If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will go wrong is the one that will do the most damage.

BARTH’S DISTINCTION: “There are two types of people, those who divide people into two types and those who don’t

HARMON’S LAW: “Anything you fix will take longer and cost more than you thought.

LOWERY’S LAW: “If it jams force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.

DICKSON’S UNIVERSAL LAW: “The size of a cut inflicted while shaving is directly proportional to the importance of the event being shaved for.

RADAR’S LAW: “The grass is brown on both sides of the fen.

NORTHFIELD’S LAW: “Whatever you want to do, you have to do something else first.

RICHARDSON’S OBSERVATION: “The light at the end of the tunnel probably comes from an express train rushing towards you.

HOARE’S LAW OF LARGE PROBLEMS: “Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out.

PASTORE’S TRUTH: “Most jobs are marginally less boring than daytime television.

THE BARGAIN HUNTER’S FIRST VARIABLE: “No matter how early you arrive at a sale, they are out of the item you want.

GREGSON’S OBSERVATION: “The race is not always to the swift nor the battle to the strong -- but that’s the way to bet

THE LAW OF ANNOYANCE: “When working on a project, if you put away a tool you are certain you have finished with, you will instantly need it.

JORDAN’S AXIOM: “A man is judged by the company he thinks nobody else knows he is keeping.

ETTORE’S OBSERVATION: “The other queue always moves faste

MAIER’S LAW: “If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.

CHISHOLM’S LAW: “In any collection of data, the figures that are obviously correct, contain the errors.

STOREY’S LAW OF ELECTRONICS: “A $300 picture tube will protect a 10 cent fuse by blowing first.

GUMPERSON’S LAW: “The probability of anything happening is in inverse ratio to its desirability.

THE UNSPEAKABLE LAW: “As soon as you mention something”.
...if it’s good it goes away.
...if it’s bad it happen.

GRIERSON’S LAW OF MINIMAL SELF-DELUSIN: Every man nourishes within him a secret plan for getting rich that will not work.

HOLDSWORTHS AXIOM: All inanimate objects are intrinsically malevolent.

THOMPSON’S LAW OF DISCOVEY: You will always find something in the last place you look.

THE SUPERMARKET THEOREM: The checkout at which you queue has either a defective bar-code scanner or a trainee operator or both.

THE PARRAMATTA ROAD AXIOM: The lane into which you move is always the one which slows down.

THE CITY RAIL RULE: The train going the other way always appears before the one you want.

THE FIRST LAW OF ROTATION: Information necessitating a change of design will be conveyed to the designer after - and only after - the plans are complete.

THE LAW OF APPLIED CONFUSION: The one piece that the plant forgot to ship is the one that supports 75 percent of the balance of the shipment.
Not only did the plant forget to ship it, 50 percent of the time they haven't even made it.

KLIPSTEINS LAWS: Firmness of delivery dates is inversely proportional to the tightness of the schedule.

THANKS TO MATERIALS HANDLING AND STORAGE March-April 1982, and THE SUNDAY TELEGRAPH August 6 1995 FOR SOME OF THE ABOVE

More Murphys Laws See under M category

WHY ARE COMPANY CARS SO POPULAR?

  1. They travel faster in ALL gears, but especially in reverse.
  2. They accelerate at a phenomenal rate.
  3. They enjoy a much shorter breaking distance.
  4. They have a much tighter turning circle.
  5. They can take bumps at twice the speed of private vehicles.
  6. Battery, water, oil and tyre pressures do not need to be checked nearly so often.
  7. The floor is shaped just like an ashtray.
  8. They do not require to be garaged at night.
  9. They can be driven for up to 100 miles with the oil warning light flashing.
  10. They need cleaning less often, especially inside.
  11. The suspension is reinforced to allow carriage of concrete slabs and other heavy building materials.
  12. They are adapted to allow reverse gear to be engaged whilst the car is still moving forwards.
  13. The tyre walls are designed to allow bumping into and over kerbstones.
  14. Unusual and alarming engine noises are easily eliminated by the adjustment of the fitted radio volume control.
  15. No security is needed. They may be left anywhere, unlocked, with the keys in the ignition.

First Created 28 January 1996

Last Updated 28 January 1996

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Watch this page for further Murphy’s Laws to be added as they become known.