was generously hosted at Gav & Pauline's beautiful Bonnet Bay home - Thank you both!
Sharing of triumphs
and tragedies and miscellaneous yarns.
In the spirit of "applying general semantics principles" to our lives, as opposed to dwelling in theory, we considered members' accounts of observations and applications relating to the principles and formulations of our discipline.
Today's Discussion: "How to Negotiate to Get What You
GS principles covered:
Korzybski’s extensional theory of
happiness is related to expectations and extensional methods.
Intensional maximum expectations based on two valued
Facts are worse than expected result.
Hence disappointment, frustration, etc.
Extensional minimum expectations of maximum
Facts are better than expected results most of the time.
Hence an interest in life, cheerfulness, happiness,
Intensional minimum, expectations based on two valued
Expectations are so low that you don’t try and get
Therefore, facts become the expected poor result.
A self fulfilling prophecy.
Hence bitter, cynical, etc.
So don’t get too
high expectations about what negotiating can do for you.
AK’s idea of conditionality applied
to flexible use of negotiating to 9,9 on the grid, some of the
time and 9,1 or 1,9 or 5,5, some of the time.
Expect to misunderstand
and to be misunderstood.
Relates expectation and communications.
Indexing – what, where.
Provides conditionality e.g. person1 is not person2
They have different goals and different ideas about how
the world works, etc.
Dating – when something
happened, e.g. you at 5 years old are not you at 50 years old.
Timebinding – we can
learn from what have others done to solve a problem, like
Either/Or –either you get one
thing or its contradictory.
According to Aristotle you can’t have both, i.e.
A cannot be B and not B.
orientation solution to either/or distortion.
Indexing or dating can be solutions to either/or also.
Viewpoint – “to me”
reminds us about our abstracting.
Fact – inference
confusion, i.e. identifying orders of abstraction.
Projection – projecting
your abstracted evaluation onto the world / territory i.e.
“is” of predication.
Etc – remembering that
something is left out when we abstract.
Seven ways we
distort reality: filtering, either/or,
overgeneralising, mind reading, fortune telling, emotional
reasoning and personalising.
The ones in bold relate to negotiating.
Overview of Negotiating Method
looked at the problems of negotiating over positions.
The principled negotiating method is an answer.
book asked the question “Do we negotiate hard or easy?”
It solved this either/or question by using indexing.
We go easy on the people (context1) and hard
on the problem (context2)
The method has 4
Separate the people from the
your interest in the substance from the relationship, i.e.
Apply viewpoints and avoid fact-inference confusion
problem of dealing with emotions explicit,
avoiding positive feedback loops where anger feeds anger,
Reflective listening and expect
to misunderstand and to be misunderstood.
Prevention better than cure, relates to Korzybski’s idea of
Work on interests, not
Reconcile interests not positions.
There are many positions as
solutions for each interest problem.
So this gives more flexibility, e.g. there are many way
to climb a tree.
Behind conflicting positions are shared interests, compatible
interests (e.g. Jack Sprat and wife who licked the plate
clean) as well as conflicting interests.
interests by Asking “Why?” about positions.
Look for multiple interests.
on the problem and easy on the people.
Invent options for mutual
faulty assumptions (P1s) of the fixed pie, the premature
judgement e.g. “it’s too expensive”, or thinking that solving
their problem is their problem or that there is only a single
your options, e.g. use the books circle chart to shift between
general and specific and between theory and real world
easy for them to agree.
Viewpoints and demalogics can apply here.
Use objective criteria.
a. Devise a process to avoid agruments:
objective criteria: fair standards and fair procedures, e.g.
One person cuts the cake and the other chooses.
Decide on a fair arrangement and then decide on roles in it.
So you make both roles OK.
options are to: Take turns.
Random outcomes. Arbitration by some indifferent third
Equal opportunity but not necessarily the same results.
Negotiating with objective criteria,
i. Joint search
for agreed criteria.
ii. Agree on
theory or principles first.
Be open to reason and
principle but not pressure.
5) We also
talked about your negotiating BATNA (Best Alternative To A
What is your bottom line and its advantages and disadvantages?
Making the most of your BATNA.
Sometimes it’s better not to negotiate.
6) What if
they won’t play?
The book gave three options.
a. Play the new
negotiating game of principled negotiating yourself anyway and
it may catch on.
jujitsu to get them to change.
above principles while going along with them rather than
reacting against them.
c. Engage a
third party to help and use the one text procedure.
"Getting to Yes"
"Choose to be
To David for his research and thoughtfulness in compiling
material for today's event!
* And to all the others
who contributed their wisdom and experience to our