**** The AGS
Ethical Communications Clinic ****
(With insincere
apologies to Monty Python)
The Cast (in order
of appearance, each wearing an appropriate hat.)
C= Customer
seeking a productive discussion
R= Receptionist
A= AGS Professional
Communications Consultant.
C: Ah. I'd like to
have a discussion, please.
R: Certainly sir.
Have you been here before?
C: No, I haven't,
this is my first time.
R: I see. Well, do
you want to have just one discussion, or were you thinking of taking a course?
C: Well, what is
the cost?
R: Well, It's one
dollar for a five minute discussion, but only eight dollars for a course of
ten.
C: Well, I think
it would be best if I perhaps started off with just the one and then see how it
goes.
R: And what sort
of discussion would you prefer, Sir/Madam - A lecture, a presentation, an
argument, a ...
C: I think an
argument would be rather nice, thank you.
R: Very well, an
argument it is, then.
Fine. Well, I'll see who's free at the
moment.
(C turns to the AGS
Communication Consultant)
(R removes
"Receptionist" hat, and retires).
C: Ah, Is this the
right room for an communication consultation?
A: I told you
once.
C: No you haven't.
A: Yes I have.
C: When?
A: Just now.
C: No you didn't.
A: Yes I did.
C: You didn't
A: I did!
C: You didn't!
A: I'm telling you
I did!
C: You did not!!
A: Oh, I'm sorry,
just one moment. Is this a five minute argument or the full half hour?
C: Oh, just the
five minutes.
A: Ah, thank you.
Anyway, I did.
C: You most
certainly did not.
A: Look, let's get
this thing clear; I quite definitely told you.
C: No you did not.
A: Yes I did.
C: No you didn't.
A: Yes I did.
C: No you didn't.
A: Yes I did.
C: No you didn't.
A: Yes I did.
C: You didn't.
A: Did.
C: Oh look, this
isn't an argument.
A: Yes it is.
C: No it isn't.
It's just an argument.
A: No it isn't.
C: It is!
A: It is not.
C: Look, you just
contradicted me.
A: I did not.
C: Oh you did!!
A: No, no, no.
C: You did just
then.
A: Nonsense!
C: Oh, this is
futile!
A: No it isn't.
C: I came here for
a good argument.
A: No you didn't;
no, you came here for an argument.
C: An argument
isn't just contradiction.
A: It can be.
C: No it can't. An
argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a
proposition.
A: No it isn't.
C: Yes it is! It's
not just contradiction.
A: Look, if I
argue with you, I must take up a contrary position.
C: Yes, but that's
not just saying 'No it isn't.'
A: Yes it is!
C: No it isn't!
C: Argument is an
intellectual process. Contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of any
statement the other person makes.
(short pause)
A: No it isn't.
C: It is.
A: Not at all.
C: Now look.
A: (Rings bell)
Good Morning.
C: What?
A: That's it. Good
morning.
C: I was just
getting interested.
A: Sorry, the five
minutes is up.
C: That was never
five minutes!
A: I'm afraid it
was.
C: It wasn't.
Pause
A: I'm sorry, but
I'm not allowed to argue anymore.
C: What?!
A: If you want me
to go on arguing, you'll have to pay for another five minutes.
C: Yes, but that
was never five minutes, just now. Oh come on!
A: (Hums)
C: Look, this is
ridiculous.
A: I'm sorry, but
I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid!
C: Oh, all right.
(pays money)
A: Thank you.
short pause
C: Well?
A: Well what?
C: That wasn't really
five minutes, just now.
A: I told you, I'm
not allowed to argue unless you've paid.
C: I just paid!
A: No you didn't.
C: I DID!
A: No you didn't.
C: Look, I don't
want to argue about that.
A: Well, you
didn't pay.
C: Aha. If I
didn't pay, why are you arguing? I Got you!
A: No you haven't.
C: Yes I have. If
you're arguing, I must have paid.
A: Not
necessarily. I could be arguing in my spare time.
C: Oh I've had
enough of this.
A: No you haven't.
C: Oh Shut up.
(Walks out)
C: *****
Ah, that feels better - It's all clear now! *****
ooo000ooo