**** The AGS Ethical Communications Clinic ****

(With insincere apologies to Monty Python)

 

 

The Cast (in order of appearance, each wearing an appropriate hat.)

 

C= Customer seeking a productive discussion

R= Receptionist

A= AGS Professional Communications Consultant.

 

C: Ah. I'd like to have a discussion, please.

R: Certainly sir. Have you been here before?

C: No, I haven't, this is my first time.

R: I see. Well, do you want to have just one discussion, or were you thinking of taking a course?

C: Well, what is the cost?

R: Well, It's one dollar for a five minute discussion, but only eight dollars for a course of ten.

C: Well, I think it would be best if I perhaps started off with just the one and then see how it goes.

R: And what sort of discussion would you prefer, Sir/Madam - A lecture, a presentation, an argument, a ...

C: I think an argument would be rather nice, thank you.

R: Very well, an argument it is, then.

          Fine. Well, I'll see who's free at the moment.

 

(C turns to the AGS Communication Consultant)

(R removes "Receptionist" hat, and retires).

 

C: Ah, Is this the right room for an communication consultation?

A: I told you once.

C: No you haven't.

A: Yes I have.

C: When?

A: Just now.

C: No you didn't.

A: Yes I did.

C: You didn't

A: I did!

C: You didn't!

A: I'm telling you I did!

C: You did not!!

A: Oh, I'm sorry, just one moment. Is this a five minute argument or the full half hour?

C: Oh, just the five minutes.

A: Ah, thank you. Anyway, I did.

C: You most certainly did not.

A: Look, let's get this thing clear; I quite definitely told you.

C: No you did not.

A: Yes I did.

C: No you didn't.

A: Yes I did.

C: No you didn't.

A: Yes I did.

C: No you didn't.

A: Yes I did.

C: You didn't.

A: Did.

C: Oh look, this isn't an argument.

A: Yes it is.

C: No it isn't. It's just an argument.

A: No it isn't.

C: It is!

A: It is not.

C: Look, you just contradicted me.

A: I did not.

C: Oh you did!!

A: No, no, no.

C: You did just then.

A: Nonsense!

C: Oh, this is futile!

A: No it isn't.

C: I came here for a good argument.

A: No you didn't; no, you came here for an argument.

C: An argument isn't just contradiction.

A: It can be.

C: No it can't. An argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a proposition.

A: No it isn't.

C: Yes it is! It's not just contradiction.

A: Look, if I argue with you, I must take up a contrary position.

C: Yes, but that's not just saying 'No it isn't.'

A: Yes it is!

C: No it isn't!

C: Argument is an intellectual process. Contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of any statement the other person makes.

 

(short pause)

 

A: No it isn't.

C: It is.

A: Not at all.

C: Now look.

A: (Rings bell) Good Morning.

C: What?

A: That's it. Good morning.

C: I was just getting interested.

A: Sorry, the five minutes is up.

C: That was never five minutes!

A: I'm afraid it was.

C: It wasn't.

 

Pause

 

A: I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to argue anymore.

C: What?!

A: If you want me to go on arguing, you'll have to pay for another five minutes.

C: Yes, but that was never five minutes, just now. Oh come on!

A: (Hums)

C: Look, this is ridiculous.

A: I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid!

C: Oh, all right. (pays money)

A: Thank you.

 

short pause

 

C: Well?

A: Well what?

C: That wasn't really five minutes, just now.

A: I told you, I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid.

C: I just paid!

A: No you didn't.

C: I DID!

A: No you didn't.

C: Look, I don't want to argue about that.

A: Well, you didn't pay.

C: Aha. If I didn't pay, why are you arguing? I Got you!

A: No you haven't.

C: Yes I have. If you're arguing, I must have paid.

A: Not necessarily. I could be arguing in my spare time.

C: Oh I've had enough of this.

A: No you haven't.

C: Oh Shut up. (Walks out)

 

C:  *****  Ah, that feels better - It's all clear now! *****

 

ooo000ooo

 

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