May these personal experiences be of interest. Might they contribute to history and sociology.
I am a retired public servant. This memoir provides a window. That is upon bureaucracy, government and society. The period was the turn of the millennium.
I live in Canberra, the capital of Australia. Which is a microcosm of administrative and social life.
My midlife story covers geography, employment and housing. It honours the extraordinary within the ordinary.
Preface
This memoir begins with me being a sperm donor. At a clinic open evening, I saw miserable childless couples. I helped to bring life into the world. My donation was anonymous. That limits access to genetic information, biological connections, shared history, and potential relationships. These factors can affect donor-conceived people's well-being. A donor conceived person contacted the clinic. He demanded my social history.
Eventually I began writing. That was of the period from age forty. Which was the cut-off age for sperm donation. I learned how to use outliner software effectively. I followed its format. So I started writing about characters, time and place. A few months later, I took a writing course. This memoir continues until I was sixty five. I got editorial help from friends and AI sites. The structure is somewhat chronological. My writing style is frank. That accurately portrays my experiences.
Diverse academic and personal journeys shaped my worldview. Varied educational perspectives and cultural contexts broadened my knowledge. I had a geological background. So I appreciate natural systems.
I studied Earth's landscapes. So I appreciate natural systems. I have been actively interested in nature. And I have concern for the planet's future. I am a divergent thinker. So I approach problems from different perspectives. I joined political parties. And I was active in them. My outdoor sports are hiking and shooting.
Living in various countries gave me insight. Now I respect human diversity. I visited relatives and pen friends overseas. Thereby I toured northern Europe and the world.
I had to focus on mental health. As I suffered a breakdown. This happened in Canberra, ACT. Workplace trauma caused a work injury. Thus I acquired a mental illness. Ruminative thought patterns resulted from the workplace violence. The recovery process was long. Which means managing my symptoms. Trauma left me feeling powerless. I was sent to various public sector jobs. This was called rehabilitation.
I developed psychosocial disability. That affected my social interactions and relationships. So I am single. Which influenced my living arrangements. So I resided in rented suburban granny flats. In 2010, I purchased a house. Its suburb is further from the city.
To sum up, this is my middle age story. These are my experiences from age forty to 65.
Company town
I returned from Western Australia. I have since lived in the Australian Capital Territory (ACT). Which is the seat of the federal government. And I joined the public service. I wasn't yet diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). That manifested as interpersonal bother. I thought literally and fumbled at reading emotional nuances. So I found workplace interactions troublesome. I had communication difficulties. Which led to a breakdown at work. I was bullied by my boss, wrecking my mental health. Acute workplace stress aggravated obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Whose symptoms are intrusive thoughts and compulsive behaviours. The criterion is disrupting daily functioning. My compulsive skin-picking caused bleeding.
Recognising a problem, I consulted a psychologist. Eventually a psychiatrist convinced me to begin medication. A side effect of which was that I gained weight. My resulting obesity progressed into fatty liver disease.
I was naturally rational. Indeed I scored autistically high for systematising. I also learned information technology (IT). Many such short courses expanded my skills. I learned application software and programming languages. And I demonstrated technical prowess. So I created a form letter writer in PROLOG, and microcontroller projects with C++.
I also pursued union work relations training. My ability was assessed at the Canberra Institute of Technology (CIT). There I sat a three hour oral exam. And I referred to my experience portfolio. So I earned an Advanced Certificate. That was in Public Administration.
Since then, I’ve improved, with help from health care providers and a female ally. I found her at a Catholic support group called GROW. She was a social adept. She also qualified at Canberra Institute of Technology (CIT). Where she specialised in disability and mental health. She was my girlfriend for five years, and she believed in advocacy, helping me with disputes. Persisting with those, I was modestly successful. And by resolving such problems, I learned skills.
A psychologist recommended I visit a community centre. There I played sports and took art classes, which helped improve my mood and social skills. I socialised with other mental health consumers. And I discovered that art could be therapeutic. Engaging in art enabled me to excel. So I won prizes with my acrylic paintings and digital illustration. I was medically treated, and returned to work in rehabilitation roles.
A psychiatrist recommended medical retirement due to my condition. Since when I have been a pensioner. I joined general and mental health consumer groups. So I’ve learned about the human condition. My post-traumatic stress symptoms included intrusive and involuntary flashbacks. These have tended to subside.
My psychologist advised me to socialise. So I joined a peer support organisation. And I visited a community centre. The former seemed to me a Catholic prayer club! The community centre was in the northwestern region of Belconnen. At these I met other neurodivergent people. I also corresponded with mental health consumers overseas. So I made a few friends, both in person and as pen pals. They lived with neurological or psychiatric conditions. Examples were cerebral palsy and schizophrenia.
I was receiving medical and psychological treatments. I also deliberately socialised. Then I sensed more personal security. Now I live in my own house in Canberra’s northern Gungahlin region. So I feel geographically grounded.
Employment
I draw from diverse experiences across continents and industries. So I approach challenges with a global perspective and an adaptive mindset. I have lived in Europe, the Arab world, Africa and Australia. So I understand and appreciate different cultural viewpoints.
This was a global immersion. And I am experienced in finance, mining, education, and government. These combine to enable me to navigate complex environments.
My interdisciplinary learning and experiences underscore practical problem-solving. For me, creativity means connecting ideas, spotting patterns, and maintaining a curious outlook. I tackle challenges from multiple angles and devise innovative solutions.
Canberra is a landscape I know from practical engagement. Local knowledge equips me to address regional challenges.
I dislike Canberra's functional architecture. That tends to be modernist and brutalist. Work related stress increased my OCD symptoms. This led to a medico-legal matter.
My psychiatrist also diagnosed me with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). That can impact social interactions and workplace communication. This contextualises my occupational challenges. I had trouble navigating dynamics and social adaptations.
My career changed, and I ended up working as a gardener. Then I was retrenched to an outplacement centre. This led me to pursue legal action against insurers. I found that taxing. The stress caused me to stutter and feel anxious. Which in turn affected my self-esteem and social functioning.
As a technically skilled professional, I developed a diverse portfolio of project work across multiple domains. In academic technology, I Web-published lecture notes at the Australian National University. I comprehensively analysed data
This included:
- car-fleet usage;
- government Web site;
- engineering workflow;
- marketing processes;
- planning schedules; and
- inventory management and sales tracking.
I did professional volunteering. So I trained artificial intelligence. That was online for the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. And I did some community engagement. So I won fundraising awards in the ACT Greens party.
I found fulfilment in horticulture at Yarralumla Nursery. This combined technical skill and appreciation for nature.
My friend Jill helped me with lawsuits. She had argued with insurance companies. That was about her own disability benefits. When I was suing insurers we edited documents.
These legal proceedings were at the Administrative Appeals Tribunal. My first claim was against the NDIA. That's the National Disability Insurance Agency. It operates the National Disability Insurance Scheme (NDIS). But the AAT determined that my disability didn't meet the eligibility criteria.
I received modest payouts from a second insurer, COMCARE. COMCARE administers workers' compensation. These sums paid for medical bills and lost income. The latter was called "incapacity".
Since that period, my anxiety has mostly diminished.
Tenancy
Canberra's urban planning incorporates natural landscapes. So it is termed the 'Bush Capital'. Numerous suburbs are situated amidst ecological reserves. The built environment relates to the natural surrounds. From pasture in Jerrabomberra Wetlands--one can view Parliament House!
I have lived in low density housing. As I rented granny flats at reasonable prices.
The ACT aims to reduce the environmental impact of industry. Generally, Canberra's air is good. Its pollutants are seasonal: pollen, dust, and rare bushfire smoke. I'm not allergic to pollen. Though hay fever causes misery to others!
On hiking trails, I have seen active people. There is ample opportunity for physical activity.
The ACT has cold winters and hot summers. Canberra gets the most rainfall in late spring. Then grass grows. Then the warm and dry summer makes a bushfire season. The catastrophic 2023 bushfire severed my electricity, phone and cable TV. When I ventured out, thick smoke from smouldering hills stung my eyes.
I had trouble with a property manager and two landlords. The real estate agency demanded deposits be made into the Commonwealth Bank. Which had Australia Post as an agent. I paid my rent at local post offices. They turned out to process transactions manually. My receipts proved the timeliness of my payments. But the real estate agency's bank records suggested delay. Which I discovered later. Consequently I found getting a rental home next to impossible. This bother was caused by that property manager's bad references! To which my next landlord alerted me.
One landlord, a retired mechanic, hated my nighttime art hobby. As his plumbing suffered from water hammer. So my washing-up awoke him.
My next landlord, who was a lawyer--wrote an illegal lease! Shortly after my arrival, the rent was raised. That was contrary to the Australian Capital Territory Residential Tenancies Act 1997. Also a neighbouring tenant tried extorting money from me.
I had studied geology. So I was used to traipsing around wilderness. And I have hiked with others through nature reserves. The local of which constitute the Canberra Nature Park. And Namadgi national park offers bracing treks.
Pistol Australia certified my Range Officer qualification. Attesting to my competence to conduct ISSF matches.
I have undertaken various technical projects. In one, I charted the output of a solar panel. In front of me is a miniature digital computer. I designed, built and programmed it!
Earlier in life, I lived abroad. That was in the UK, Libya, Sierra Leone, and Saudi Arabia. Though I have spent recent decades in Canberra. I returned to visit my aged mother in Manchester, UK. Then I also explored northern Europe. During which I visited family and a pen pal. Those stops included Sweden, the Channel Islands, and Ireland.
After several months back in Canberra, I returned to Manchester. That was for my mum's funeral. I continued around the world. Next I crossed North America, staying in the USA and Canada. I met penfriends in Iowa and California. And a former colleague treated me to a geological tour of Alberta.
Back in Canberra, I cycled using the infrastructure here. Later I spent some UK inheritance on a new modern car. Which I used to tour Tasmania and the ACT.
Ownership
My asset portfolio was small and varied. Some of it was in a pension fund. The rest was in shares. But I found it difficult to keep track of my finances. As my anxiety caused me to lose control of paperwork.
A psychiatrist advised that I should be retired. That was because I had acquired disability. Consequently a super fund paid out.
I decided to purchase a home. To help finance the project I sold my shares. I also received an inheritance that improved my financial standing.
I am socially challenged. And friends advised me against buying a unit. Preferring privacy, I sought a standalone house.
Being anxious, I dithered for years, lacking confidence as to what I should do. But I worked out my wants. A friend helped me make a wish list. And a buyer’s agent took care of everything.
However I realised that I would need additional financial support to complete the purchase. I consulted my buyer's agent who recommended working with a mortgage broker to explore financing options. I asked for a fixed rate loan. I had foreseen the end of the compo. I insisted on a short term loan. I was with Westpac, so I borrowed from there.
Unfortunately I found the loan payments crushing. Then my insurance case became expensive. Unfortunately my pension was too modest. The bank refused another loan. I settled my case. So I got paid back my medical expenses and lost earnings and used these sums to repay my loan early.
I ended up owning a modest detached house, which backs onto a pleasant park with a cycle path. I moved ten kilometres further from the centre of the city. I now live in the ACT’s northern Gungahlin area. Since I drive more, I tended to exercise less.
I prioritised energy efficiency. So my new home is well insulated. The back rooms have custom curtains pelmets. However that expense consumed my cash. As a result the lounge lacks window covering. I deferred aesthetic and functional touches in the main living area. My home interior is similarly sparsely furnished.
I've had trouble interacting socially. Therefore my living arrangement reduces this challenge. That is, need for social engagement. The personal areas are quirky. They accord to my individual needs and habits. Above my futon on the wall, there's my acrylic painting. It won an exhibition award. Facing it is a picture window. That is draped with custom curtains that I adore. The National Broadband Network (NBN) provides indirect communication. I have routed it to my study.
Having ASD, I face hurdles interacting socially. These challenges were disruptive. They limited my participation in community organisations. So I was banned from a community workspace. The ruler of a computer club mailing list censored me. I quit an art group. That followed an unsuccessful conference with an art teacher. And the chiefs of a political party cancelled my membership. My experiences were full of misunderstandings, communication gaps, and rules and expectations.
I'm a slack Buddhist, practising mindfulness to stay focused and calm. Outside such a centre, I was assaulted. Though the attackers were caught. So I got to participate in a restorative justice session. Wherein I heard the argot of a teenage alcoholic. Advising his social worker on fixing up his sick lifestyle!
I joined a men’s shed and did a woodworking course. I created an arty tool board for my garage. I painted it in the Russian Constructivist style, and framed it with wood. Woodworkers from the men's shed installed it. I also created a custom speaker cabinet.
I had trouble interacting socially in organisations. Yet I've honed skills and followed interests. Those used my focus, observation, and discipline. They were applied to visual arts, physical training, and outdoor work. I have attended to detail and shown resilience.
Epilogue
My personal account is of autism and mental health. I express health observations. And I explain what worked to soften problems.
Mental health recovery has for me meant reclaiming my story, finding personal strengths, and becoming more resilient. So I have been trying to develop a healthy lifestyle. And I am aware of health. As I try to overcome stigma. Which impedes development and harms self-esteem.
This didn't just affect my working life. I was suffering psychosocial disability. Which caused me social isolation. I got chucked out of community organisations. I also had housing problems. I had trouble explaining professionals' reports. These stated that I had psychosocial disability. Mental illness carries a big disease burden. That becomes worse with age. This helps to explain why I am single.
Life's hassles can trigger flashbacks. So I recognise everyday hurdles. Thus I cope better. I recognise my distaste for hazards. I try to be mindful, and relax. Changing blood pressure medication got rid of tension. I can mitigate anxiety, and limit flashbacks. Which are now more fleeting.
Psychological therapy helped. Mental adjustments were needed. I better recognise my needs. So I can look after myself. Psychologists call this improvement insight. Mental health literacy is worth learning. So people might recognise personal problems, and accept the human condition.
At work, I got big problems. People with ASD commonly suffer them. So autistic people tend to be unemployed. And I was medically retired. That freed me to join art groups. But my daily routines changed. So I became a night owl.
I grew fat. As mental illness has been shown to raise obesity risk. So I have been attending to lifestyle. Which has somewhat reversed that problem.
I have become more serious and cautious. So I've resolved hassles with authorities. And my anxiety symptoms have lessened.
My recovery has been about understanding, adaptation, and growth.
Here I have shared my experiences. Which I hope will lower stigma and raise awareness.