May these personal experiences be of historical and sociological interest.
I am a retired public servant. This memoir provides a window into bureaucracy, government and society. The period was the turn of the millenium.
I live in Canberra, the capital of Australia. Which is a microcosm of administrative and social life.
My midlife story covers geography, employment and housing. Adapting to which, honours the extraordinary within the ordinary.
Preface
This memoir begins with me being a sperm donor. At a clinic open evening, I saw miserable childless couples. I helped to bring life into the world. My donation was anonymous, which limits access to genetic information, biological connections, shared history, and potential relationships. These factors can affect donor-conceived people's well-being. An offspring from my donation contacted the clinic, demanding my social history.
Eventually I began writing, of the period from age forty, which was the cut-off age for sperm donation. I learned how to use outliner software effectively. Following its format, I started writing about characters, time and place. A few months later, I took a writing course. This memoir continues until I was sixty five. I got editorial help from friends and AI sites. The structure is somewhat chronological. My writing style is frank, accurately portraying my experiences.
Diverse academic and personal journeys shaped my worldview. Varied educational perspectives and cultural contexts broadened my knowledge. My geological background helped me appreciate the connectedness of natural systems and human experiences.
Studying Earth's landscapes revealed the interconnectedness of natural systems. Environmental engagement stems from reverence for the planet. Divergent thinking enables me to approach problems from different perspectives. I have been politically active, including party membership. My outdoor sports are hiking and shooting.
Living in various countries gave me insight into human diversity. I visited relatives and pen friends overseas, touring northern Europe and the world.
I had to focus on mental health. As I suffered a breakdown brought on by my public service work. This happened in Canberra, ACT. Workplace trauma caused a work injury, so I acquired a mental illness. Ruminative thought patterns resulted from the workplace violence. The recovery process was long. Which means managing my symptoms. Trauma left me feeling powerless. I was sent to various public sector jobs for rehabilitation.
These mental health issues led to psychosocial disability, affecting my social interactions and relationships. As a single person, this has influenced my living arrangements, leading me to reside in rented suburban granny flats. In 2010, I purchased a house in a suburb further from the city.
To sum up, this is my middle age story. It summarises my experiences from age forty to 65.
Company town
I returned from Western Australia, to the Australian Capital Territory (ACT). Which is the seat of the federal government. And I joined the public service. I wasn't yet diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). That manifested as interpersonal bother. I thought literally and fumbled at reading emotional nuances. So I found workplace interactions troublesome. The autistic communication difficulties led to a breakdown at work. I was bullied by my boss, wrecking my mental health. Acute workplace stress aggravated obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Whose symptoms are intrusive thoughts and compulsive behaviours that disrupt daily functioning. My compulsive skin-picking caused bleeding.
Recognising a problem, I consulted a psychologist. Eventually a psychiatrist convinced me to begin medication. A side effect of which was that I gained weight. My resulting obesity progressed into fatty liver disease.
I was naturally rational, scoring autistically high for systematising. I also learned information technology (IT). Many such short courses expanded my skills. I learned application software and programming languages. My technical prowess was evidenced by creating a form letter writer in PROLOG, and microcontroller projects with C++.
I also pursued union work relations training. Subsequently I completed an assessment at the Canberra Institute of Technology (CIT). In which I sat a three hour oral exam, referring to my experience portfolio. So I earned an Advanced Certificate in Public Administration.
Since then, I’ve improved, with help from health care providers and a female ally. I found her at a Catholic support group called GROW. She was a social adept. She also qualified at Canberra Institute of Technology (CIT), specialising in disability and mental health. She was my girlfriend for five years, and she believed in advocacy, helping me with disputes. Persisting with those, I was modestly successful. And by resolving such problems, I learned skills.
A psychologist recommended I visit a community centre. There I played sports and took art classes, which helped improve my mood and social skills. I socialised with other mental health consumers, and discovered that art could be therapeutic. Engaging in art enabled me to excel, winning prizes with my acrylic paintings and digital illustration. I was medically treated, and returned to work in rehabilitation roles.
Since a psychiatrist recommended medical retirement due to my condition, I have been a pensioner. I joined general and mental health consumer groups. So I’ve learned about the human condition. My post-traumatic stress symptoms, such as intrusive and involuntary flashbacks, have tended to subside.
My psychologist advised me to socialise. So I joined a peer support organisation and visited a community centre. The former seemed to me a Catholic prayer club! The community centre was in the northwestern region of Belconnen. At these I met other neurodivergent people. I also corresponded with mental health consumers overseas. So I made a few friends, both in person and as pen pals. They lived with neurological or psychiatric conditions, such as cerebral palsy and schizophrenia.
I was receiving medical and psychological treatments, and deliberately socialising. I sensed more personal security. Now that I am living in my own house in Canberra’s northern Gungahlin region, I feel geographically grounded.
Employment
Drawing upon diverse experiences across continents and industries, I approach challenges with a global perspective and adaptive mindset. Having lived in Europe, the Arab world, Africa and Australia, I understand and appreciate different cultural viewpoints.
This global immersion, combined with my background in finance, mining, education, and government, enables me to navigate complex environments.
My interdisciplinary learning and experiences underscore practical problem-solving. For me, creativity means connecting ideas, spotting patterns, and maintaining a curious outlook. I tackle challenges from multiple angles and devise innovative solutions.
Canberra is a landscape I know from practical engagement. Local knowledge equips me to address regional challenges.
I dislike Canberra's functional modernist and brutalist architecture. Work related stress increased my OCD symptoms. This led to a medico-legal matter.
My psychiatrist also diagnosed me with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). That can impact social interactions and workplace communication. This contextualises my professional challenges. Which included difficulties in navigating dynamics and social adaptations.
My career changed, and I ended up worked as a gardener, before being retrenched to an outplacement centre. This led me to pursue legal action against insurers, which I found taxing. The stress caused me to stutter and feel anxious. Which in turn affected my self-esteem and social functioning.
As a technically skilled professional, I developed a diverse portfolio of project work across multiple domains. In academic technology, I Web-published lecture notes at the Australian National University.
I comprehensively analysed data including:
- car-fleet usage;
- government Web site;
- civil engineering workflow;
- marketing processes;
- horticultural planning schedules; and
- inventory management and sales tracking.
My commitment to professional development extended to volunteer work:
- artificial intelligence, online with the Massachusetts Institute of Technology; and
- community engagement, winning fundraising awards in the ACT Greens party.
I found fulfilment in horticulture at Yarralumla Nursery. This combined technical skill and appreciation for nature.
My friend Jill helped me with lawsuits. She had argued with insurance companies about her own disability benefits. When I was suing insurers we edited documents.
These legal proceedings were at the Administrative Appeals Tribunal. My first claim was against the National Disability Insurance Agency. That operates the National Disability Insurance Scheme (NDIS). But the AAT determined that my disability didn't meet the eligibility criteria for NDIS support service funding.
Resulting from another case, I received modest payouts from a second insurer, COMCARE. COMCARE administers workers' compensation. These sums paid for medical bills and lost income. The latter was called "incapacity".
Since that period, my anxiety has mostly diminished.
Tenancy
Canberra's urban planning incorporates natural landscapes, earning it the nickname 'bush capital'. Numerous suburbs are situated amidst ecological reserves. The built environment relates to the natural surrounds. For example, Jerrabomberra Wetlands provides views not only of pastures and nature, but also Parliament House.
I have lived in low density housing, having rented granny flats at reasonable prices.
The Australian Capital Territory aims to reduce the environmental impact of industry. Generally, Canberra's air is good; the pollutants being dust, pollen and occasional bushfire smoke. I'm not allergic to the pollen. Though that causes hay fever for others.
On hiking trails, I have seen active people. There is ample opportunity for physical activity.
The ACT has cold winters and hot summers. Canberra gets the most rainfall in late spring. Then grass grows. Then the warm and dry summer makes a bushfire season. The catastrophic 2023 bushfire severed my electricity, phone and cable TV. When I ventured out, thick smoke from smouldering hills stung my eyes.
I had trouble with a property manager and two landlords. The former real estate agency required deposits to be made into the Commonwealth Bank. Which had Australia Post as an agent. I paid my rent at local post offices--which turned out to process transactions manually. My receipts proving the timeliness of my payments. Yet I later discovered that the real estate agency's bank records suggested delay. Consequently I found getting a rental home nearly impossible. This bother was caused by that property manager's bad references! To which my next landlord alerted me.
One landlord, a retired mechanic, hated my nighttime art hobby. As his plumbing suffered from water hammer. So my washing-up awoke him.
My next landlord, who was a lawyer--wrote an illegal lease! Shortly after my arrival, the rent was raised--contrary to the Australian Capital Territory Residential Tenancies Act 1997. Also a neighbouring tenant tried extorting money from me.
Having studied geology, I was already used to traipsing around wilderness. So I have hiked with others through nature reserves. The local of which constitute the Canberra Nature Park. And Namadgi national park offers bracing treks.
Pistol Australia certified my Range Officer qualification. Attesting to my competence to conduct ISSF matches.
I have undertaken various technical projects. In one, I charted the output of a solar panel. In front of me is a miniature digital computer that I designed, built and programmed.
Earlier in life, I lived in the UK, Libya, Sierra Leone, and Saudi Arabia. Though I have spent recent decades in Canberra. I returned to visit my aged mother in Manchester, UK. Then I also explored northern Europe, visiting family and a pen pal. These stops included Sweden, the Channel Islands, and Ireland.
Then after several months back in Canberra, I returned to Manchester for my mum's funeral. Using a round-the-world ticket, I continued across North America, staying in the USA and Canada. Thereby I met penfriends in Iowa and California, and a former colleague in Alberta.
Back in Canberra, I cycled using the infrastructure here. Later I spent some UK inheritance on a new modern car. Which I used to tour Tasmania and the ACT.
Ownership
My asset portfolio was small and varied. Some of it was in a pension fund. The rest was in shares. But I found it difficult to keep track of my finances. As my anxiety caused me to lose control of paperwork.
A psychiatrist advised that I should be retired. That was because I had acquired disability. Consequently a super fund paid out.
I decided to purchase a home. To help finance the project I sold my shares. I also received an inheritance that improved my financial standing.
I am socially challenged. And friends advised me against buying a unit. Preferring privacy, I sought a standalone house.
Being anxious, I dithered for years, lacking confidence as to what I should do. But I worked out my wants. A friend helped me make a wish list. And a buyer’s agent took care of everything.
However I realised that I would need additional financial support to complete the purchase. I consulted my buyer's agent who recommended working with a mortgage broker to explore financing options. I asked for a fixed rate loan. I had foreseen the end of the compo. I insisted on a short term loan. I was with Westpac, so I borrowed from there.
Unfortunately I found the loan payments crushing. Then my insurance case became expensive. Unfortunately my pension was too modest. The bank refused another loan. I settled my case. So I got paid back my medical expenses and lost earnings and used these sums to repay my loan early.
I ended up owning a modest detached house, which backs onto a pleasant park with a cycle path. I moved ten kilometres further from the centre of the city. I now live in the ACT’s northern Gungahlin area. Since I drive more, I tended to exercise less.
I prioritised energy efficiency. So my new home is well insulated. The back rooms have custom curtains pelmets. However that expense consumed my cash. As a result the lounge lacks window covering. I deferred aesthetic and functional touches in the main living area. My home interior is similarly sparsely furnished.
I've had trouble interacting socially. So my living arrangement reduces the challenges of the need for social engagement. The personal areas are quirky according to my individual needs and habits. Above my futon on the wall, there's my acrylic painting that had won an exhibition award. Facing it, the picture window is draped with custom curtains that I adore. In my study, the National Broadband Network (NBN) provides indirect communication.
Having ASD, I face hurdles interacting socially. These challenges disrupted my attendance in community organisations. I was banned from a community workspace The ruler of a computer club mailing list censored me. I quit an art group after an unsuccessful conference with an art teacher. And the chiefs of a political party cancelled my membership. My organisational experiences have been full of misunderstandings, communication gaps, and rules and expectations.
I'm a slack Buddhist, practising mindfulness to stay focused and calm. Outside such a centre, I was assaulted. Though the attackers were caught. So I got to participate in a restorative justice session. Wherein I heard the argot of a teenage alcoholic. Advising his social worker on fixing up his sick lifestyle!
I joined a men’s shed and did a woodworking course. I created an arty tool board for my garage. I painted it in the Russian Constructivist style, and framed it with wood. Woodworkers from the men's shed installed it. I also created a custom speaker cabinet.
I had trouble interacting socially in organisations. Yet I've honed skills and followed interests. Those used my focus, observation, and discipline. They were applied to visual arts, physical training, and outdoor work. I have attended to detail and shown resilience.
Epilogue
My personal account is of autism and mental health. I express health observations. And I explain what worked to soften problems.
Mental health recovery has for me meant reclaiming my story, finding personal strengths, and becoming more resilient. So I developed a healthier lifestyle featuring health, and overcoming stigma. As that impedes development and harms self-esteem.
This didn't just affect my working life. Psychosocial disability caused me social isolation. I got chucked out of community organisations. Is it associated that I had housing problems? I had trouble explaining that professionals' reports meant I had psychosocial disability. Mental illness carries a big disease burden. Which becomes worse with age. That helps explain why I am single.
When I experience life's hassles, I suffer flashbacks. By recognising those everyday hurdles, I cope better. I consciously recognise my hatred of hazards. I try to be mindful, and relax. Changing blood pressure medication got rid of tension. I can mitigate anxiety, and limit flashbacks. Which are now more fleeting.
Psychological therapy has helped with mental adjustments. I better recognise my needs. So I can look after myself. Psychologists call this improvement insight. What is mental health literacy? Wouldn't it be nice if everybody recognised personal problems? Let's accept the human condition. I try to maintain my knowledge of this subject.
At work, I got big problems. People with ASD commonly suffer them. So autistic people tend to be unemployed. And I was medically retired. That freed me to join art groups. But my daily routines changed, becoming nocturnal habits.
I grew fat. As a recent study showed that mental illness raises obesity risk. Since then, attending to lifestyle has been reversed that problem.
I have become more serious and cautious. And I've resolved hassles with authorities and lessened my anxiety. Perhaps I might stabilise relations.
My mental health recovery has been an exercise in understanding, adaptation, and growth.
By sharing these experiences, I hope to:
- lower the stigma of neurodiversity;
- raise awareness of mental illness; and
- raise awareness of psychosocial disability.